Late Night Musings Are Never A Good Idea

I am afraid of the future. I am afraid that I will not succeed in life, that I will be trapped in a boring job that I hate, that I won’t accomplish anything interesting or significant or helpful to others with my life. I am afraid that I will disappoint my parents, my siblings, myself. I am afraid that I will squander the opportunities I have been given. I am afraid I will make the wrong decision about which college to attend, which subject to study, which career path to pursue, and ruin everything. My sisters are brilliant. My parents are brilliant. I don’t think I am brilliant. I don’t know if I can live up to them. I don’t know if I can achieve as much as they have, let alone surpass them—which I must do (for myself) in order to feel as good, as worthy, as lovable. I don’t know if they’ll be proud of me. I don’t know if I’ll be proud of me. I am so afraid.